The Romantic Recession to Romantic Revival
The environment of modern romance has evolved. If we’re talking about finding love and making it last, we need more context to understand the ecosystem in which singles and couples live. We’re no longer seeking people in our village and local communities to date and mate with. Gone are the days that Bridgerton depicts as romance; insert the globalization of opinions on dating and coupledom “should” be, and it’s lacking romance. Jaded daters and couples share their sentiments online, with many feeling the same way. If we’re all living in an environment where love and romance seem dead and trite, it’s no wonder we’re experiencing a sexless romantic recession. Nobody wants this, but what do we do about it?
What’s the Vibe? Economist Kyla Scanlon coined the term “vibecession.” The term refers to the disconnect between key data points for economic indicators and how it feels to live in the economy. Feelings influence behavior, and this applies to romance as well. If someone is on a dating app and not getting quality matches, the conclusion might be that the dating pool is bleak, and then come the “I’m going to die alone” thoughts that singles in the dating world experience. It’s quite the rollercoaster. An ecosystem consisting of jaded users on dating apps, Are We Dating the Same Guy Facebook groups, articles such as "Is Having A Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?", and real-world examples of relationships not working out reinforces the idea that your feelings are valid and true. As Scanlon explains, how you feel compounds into how everyone else feels. Consumer sentiment influences consumer spending, and overall sentiment about real-life romance has been declining. Singles and couples have been experiencing this sentiment across the board, and the data shows.
Sex Recession. The Sex Recession captured by numbers:
According to the Institute of Family Studies, 55% of adults ages 18–64 in 1990 reported having sex weekly, according to the General Social Survey.
37% of adults 18-64 reported having sex weekly in 2024 ( Institute of American Family Studies)
The number of people married or cohabitating with their partner went from 42% in 2014 to 32% in 2024
48% of Gen Z reports never having sex
Between 1996 and 2008, 59% of married adults reported having sex once a week or more.
Between 2010-2024, 49% of couples report having sex once a week or more (Institute of Family Studies)
Does the decline in sex mean there’s a decline in desire? Romantasy and Booktok have been on the rise, even more in recent years. Bloomberg estimates that in 2024, romantasy books achieved $610 million in sales, which is quite the increase from $454 million in 2023. Romantasy, increases in pornography use, and AI lovers are all indicators that desire still exists. Eros is the feeling of aliveness, and if the current ecosystems of romantic relationships look dead, desire goes elsewhere. Another word for betrayal is 'reveal,' and this is the ultimate betrayal humanity has inflicted on itself. Betrayals can be a source of an awakening, and what if we use this as an opportunity to make romance human again?
Reviving Romance. What’s your overall mood most of the time? Stressed out? Anxious? Calm? Positive? If how you feel compounds into how others feel, then it helps to understand the mood you’re in most of the time. How many times a day do you see content that resonates with how you feel? The “OMG SAME” phenomenon happens when you’re not only having conversations with people who agree with you, but your phone is constantly telling you that your feelings are right. Understanding how your environment is reinforcing the romantic death many are experiencing means more than arguing over whether feelings are valid. Your love life doesn’t have to be DOA; consider this your revival.
What if your mood changed? Imagine the overall mood you would choose to experience most days. Injecting eros into everyday life helps shift your emotional environment. The art of eros requires intentional effort and creativity. For every reason, come up with a creative solution:
Reason:
We have young kids and don’t have time for ourselves. Plus, we’re exhausted.
Dating is dead, and I haven’t met anyone I would want to be with
I haven’t seen a good marriage work yet.
Why bother dating? All the good ones are taken.
My job is never done, and the kids always need me. I don’t have time for myself, let alone my relationship.
Creative Solution:
We make intentional date nights, even if it’s in the house
Try the 1/1/1 rule each month: Do one new activity, go to one new local place, meet one new person (any person)
Notice admirable parts of others’ relationships around you.
Get off dating apps, Facebook groups, and reading content that shows how hard dating is. Get in real life and meet people you enjoy being around.
Your relationship is the cornerstone of your family. Viewing eroticism as a necessity helps make your relationship matter.
To the Romantic Revival,
Brittani
